I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
