Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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