Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
