you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
