She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
