she smelled like a LAN party
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
