Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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