Are we in a gay sports bar?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just threw up on my dentist
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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