franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
