She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
