HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize