A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
