I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
