Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
