I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
