I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
