who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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