Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
