i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
