how do flat chested girls get laid?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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