If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
