I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
