I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
where are my eyebrows?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
