you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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