I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
