I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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