Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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