hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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