that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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