I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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