He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Life is so much better after having sex.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
