He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
