omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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