If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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