Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize