Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
