so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
