I think i peed on brittanys purse
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
