When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
