dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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