I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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