Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
