My sheets look like a crime scene.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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