wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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