So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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