What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Randomize
