searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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