he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
