I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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