I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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