It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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