I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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