'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize