ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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