In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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