she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
