What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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