he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
