just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
