she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
