I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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