I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
