ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
