How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
