New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
