I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
