So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
