Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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