yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
