saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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