just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't deserve a penis
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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