Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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