plz talk dirty to me
the condom got lost in my hair
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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